Mother's Day is coming up, and it always reminds me of what kind of mother I am. How did I get here? It's definitely a time for reflection. I feel as though I am exceptionally experienced as a mother, as I have my own children, step children, and God child.
I was tasked as an 18 year old to be a mother of 3 kids. I wasn't asked. They were left alone with me for months. What was a girl to do? Cry? Give up? Take them to who? No one was available, no one cared, and they had scabies. I quickly learned to handle my business. They were innocent and didn't deserve the early life and family they were born to.
No matter how much of a deadbeat their dad was, and their mother, I had to make sure I was the constant. Subconsciously, I knew I had to be a part of their lives forever to show them that some people actually care and will be there for you.
When I became the mother of my own child, their sister, she just became a part of the pack, as I then had four kids. I never showed favoritism, I treated them all the same, and I gave them some of the best years of my life. I knew they wouldn't be kids forever, and they needed my guidance and love since their birth families didn't seem to care.
I must admit, their needs (step-daughters) were taken into consideration a lot, emotionally and mentally, and I made sure I kept open communication with them. Even though I didn’t show favoritism, there was an unspoken loyalty that my step-daughters had between themselves and would exclude my daughter, their sister. I think it had to do with the fact they had the same mom and dad, while my daughter only shared their dad. I believe they were jealous of her. Subconsciously. She had her mom in her life. Her Mom was a good mom and consistent. Everything their mom wasn’t.
My daughter struggled with this silently for a while, then as she got older she would express her feelings about her sisters and the way they treated her. It made me mad to the core at times because how dare they treat my daughter any differently because they were born to deadbeats?! How dare you treat my daughter differently when it was HER mother taking care of you? In my mind I was mad, in my spirit, I understood, and how I handled it was making them accountable for their actions and made sure they knew I saw what was going on.
Being a Natural Mom, a Stepmom, and a God Mom, I’ve learned a lot about myself. Because I was a step mom first, I was given the opportunity to love children that weren’t mine before I had my own. I believe that helped shape what type of mom I am overall. Fair.
I am a fair mother. I believe in righteousness, and justice. 2016 marks the 20th year that the girls have been in my life. In 20 years of being a mother, I’ve been happy, sad, mad, frustrated, desperate, bewildered, proud, emotional, nervous, and faithful. I’m sure God has been there the entire time guiding me, ordering my steps, and keeping us.
One of the best things about being a stepmom is being a consistent person in their lives showing them that there are people who will love you and be there for you even though their parents were not. This can be a generational curse broken with my example in their lives. It makes me feel good to know I helped an entire generation. It also is a blessing to see them as adults, healthy and hopeful. They have a chance at life.
One of the emotional risks of being a stepmom is knowing that no matter what you do, they’re going to be loyal to you as long as they need you. When that need changes so does the loyalty. It happened with each of them, in different ways. It's sad to see people you've loved and nurtured as your own, act like their DNA. I do have hope for them all. I love them.
The youngest of my step daughters is doing very well for herself in Los Angeles. She and I have had some conversations recently that touched my soul in a way that made it worth it. She told me that she appreciates me raising her and giving her the example she needed to be a woman. She said she has the confidence to do it because of me. Until this very day, their birth mother is still struggling with drug use.
The best thing about being a Natural Mom is seeing MY SEEDs grow and flourish. Pouring all of my love into them, and creating little mini me’s that will be better than me. They are a part of me! There is a love and bond so special between mother’s and daughters and I love it . I have no worries about loyalty when it comes to my natural children. I know the family bond is solid and unbreakable. There is no downside to bring a natural mother. They will disappoint you, and you will love them no matter what.
Thinking about it, there are really no downsides to mothering anyone. Life in general is full of disappointments, yes, but it is also full of teaching moments that will help shape a generation. If I could do it all over again, I would do it all over again. My growth to this moment depended on that experience and I am enlightened beyond comprehension to some.
Knowing that I consciously poured my love and nurturing into the girls, consistently provided a safe haven, and relentlessly dropped knowledge, they have no choice but to be great somehow one day.
My Godson is like my son. The son I haven't had yet! He's 7 now, and the bond we have is sweet. He's been in my life since birth. He's still young, but similarly to step children, you have a "nature barrier" so all you can do is nurture, and love, and pray for the best.
I, for one, think Mother's day should graduate to a week, but who would make sure everything was moving smoothly? I love being a mom. It is the most rewarding job I've ever had in life. The lessons I've learned, the self discoveries, the spiritual and karmic connection, the struggle, the laughter, the tears, the memories, the love, #priceless
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and step moms and god moms and aunts, and grandmothers taking care of children!