When I think back on the many trials and tribulations I endured, I realize that I developed a coping mechanism, or a way to not give any validity to a pity party for any of the things that were happening to me. I affectionately describe that as "feathers on my back" so the things roll right off.
I'm human! Today I have this hard exterior, which is armour to protect the sensitive little girl that's inside me.
You see, I was THEE MOST SENSITIVE GIRL in the WORLD! I still am, it's just packaged differently. I would cry if someone I loved looked at me wrong, talked about my shirt, or was mean to me. The pain I felt was unbearable, yet I was ridiculed because "that was nothing to cry about". Nicknamed "crybaby," Feathers started growing. I remember my mom bragging that she just has to look or yell at me to cry, she didn't have to whoop me. Even though she did!
Fast forward to getting in a relationship where my husband was an abuser and a womanizer. How do you still live, raise kids, and fight your husband, annnd have a pity party? Or dance in a strip club supporting the entire family because your husband won't work? Or while a dancer, have a run in with FBI, Secret Service, and DEA, all within a year? Or what about being shot, and stood over, with the gunman intending to kill you?
Surely the happy life didn't find me, I created it. The life of struggle and despair found me. I learned how to reject it and make choices toward the life I wanted to live. I chose God. I chose life. I chose happiness. I chose freedom. I chose me. I'm still choosing me and happiness which is why who you see today doesn't resemble the woman I used to be. I've been through so much in THIS LIFE, it feels like I have lived several lives this lifetime. I am sure God has everything to do with my strength and tenacity. The woman you see today has been transformed. By life and choices. #HowRebelRobbWasBorn