Mother's Day is coming up, and it always reminds me of what kind of mother I am. How did I get here? It's definitely a time for reflection. I feel as though I am exceptionally experienced as a mother, as I have my own children, step children, and God child. I was tasked as an 18 year old to be a mother of 3 kids. I wasn't asked. They were left alone with me for months. What was a girl to do? Cry? Give up? Take them to who? No one was available, no one cared, and they had scabies. I quickly learned to handle my business. They were innocent and didn't deserve the early life and family they were born to. No matter how much of a deadbeat their dad was, and their mother, I had to make sure I was the constant. Subconsciously, I knew I had to be a part of their lives forever to show them that some people actually care and will be there for you. When I became the mother of my own child, their sister, she just became a part of the pack, as I then had four kids. I never showed favoritism, I treated them all the same, and I gave them some of the best years of my life. I knew they wouldn't be kids forever, and they needed my guidance and love since their birth families didn't seem to care. I must admit, their needs (step-daughters) were taken into consideration a lot, emotionally and mentally, and I made sure I kept open communication with them. Even though I didn’t show favoritism, there was an unspoken loyalty that my step-daughters had between themselves and would exclude my daughter, their sister. I think it had to do with the fact they had the same mom and dad, while my daughter only shared their dad. I believe they were jealous of her. Subconsciously. She had her mom in her life. Her Mom was a good mom and consistent. Everything their mom wasn’t. My daughter struggled with this silently for a while, then as she got older she would express her feelings about her sisters and the way they treated her. It made me mad to the core at times because how dare they treat my daughter any differently because they were born to deadbeats?! How dare you treat my daughter differently when it was HER mother taking care of you? In my mind I was mad, in my spirit, I understood, and how I handled it was making them accountable for their actions and made sure they knew I saw what was going on. Being a Natural Mom, a Stepmom, and a God Mom, I’ve learned a lot about myself. Because I was a step mom first, I was given the opportunity to love children that weren’t mine before I had my own. I believe that helped shape what type of mom I am overall. Fair. I am a fair mother. I believe in righteousness, and justice. 2016 marks the 20th year that the girls have been in my life. In 20 years of being a mother, I’ve been happy, sad, mad, frustrated, desperate, bewildered, proud, emotional, nervous, and faithful. I’m sure God has been there the entire time guiding me, ordering my steps, and keeping us. One of the best things about being a stepmom is being a consistent person in their lives showing them that there are people who will love you and be there for you even though their parents were not. This can be a generational curse broken with my example in their lives. It makes me feel good to know I helped an entire generation. It also is a blessing to see them as adults, healthy and hopeful. They have a chance at life. One of the emotional risks of being a stepmom is knowing that no matter what you do, they’re going to be loyal to you as long as they need you. When that need changes so does the loyalty. It happened with each of them, in different ways. It's sad to see people you've loved and nurtured as your own, act like their DNA. I do have hope for them all. I love them. The youngest of my step daughters is doing very well for herself in Los Angeles. She and I have had some conversations recently that touched my soul in a way that made it worth it. She told me that she appreciates me raising her and giving her the example she needed to be a woman. She said she has the confidence to do it because of me. Until this very day, their birth mother is still struggling with drug use. The best thing about being a Natural Mom is seeing MY SEEDs grow and flourish. Pouring all of my love into them, and creating little mini me’s that will be better than me. They are a part of me! There is a love and bond so special between mother’s and daughters and I love it . I have no worries about loyalty when it comes to my natural children. I know the family bond is solid and unbreakable. There is no downside to bring a natural mother. They will disappoint you, and you will love them no matter what. Thinking about it, there are really no downsides to mothering anyone. Life in general is full of disappointments, yes, but it is also full of teaching moments that will help shape a generation. If I could do it all over again, I would do it all over again. My growth to this moment depended on that experience and I am enlightened beyond comprehension to some. Knowing that I consciously poured my love and nurturing into the girls, consistently provided a safe haven, and relentlessly dropped knowledge, they have no choice but to be great somehow one day. My Godson is like my son. The son I haven't had yet! He's 7 now, and the bond we have is sweet. He's been in my life since birth. He's still young, but similarly to step children, you have a "nature barrier" so all you can do is nurture, and love, and pray for the best.
I, for one, think Mother's day should graduate to a week, but who would make sure everything was moving smoothly? I love being a mom. It is the most rewarding job I've ever had in life. The lessons I've learned, the self discoveries, the spiritual and karmic connection, the struggle, the laughter, the tears, the memories, the love, #priceless Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and step moms and god moms and aunts, and grandmothers taking care of children!
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As I think back on my life and look with hindsight, I see clearly when there were some major moments that God was showing me that I needed to grow.
I was in an abusive marriage, raising kids that were not even my stepchildren, (I had my ex-husband's nephew, and his daughter's older sister from their mother), in addition to my husband's 3 girls. At 22 years old, I was raising six kids, four of school age, and two under five. At the time, I was knee deep in dancing, my husband was knee deep in 'extra curricular' activities while I was at work, and I was the only one holding down our 8 person household. A typical day started at 6:30 am. I got up and made sure breakfast was made. Got the kids dressed and fed and off to school. The babies woke up afterwards and they got their breakfast etc. If there was laundry or cleaning that needed to be done, I did that during the school hours. Around three in the afternoon, they were back from school, and it was time to help with homework. Around 5pm dinner would be cooking and by 6:30 I was on my way to the strip club. I worked until 2am, didn't get home until 3am or 3:30am only to find my husband at home partying with his broke friends spending my money that I left home which I was trying to save. I was back up at 6:30am to do it again. Here is the moment that saved my life and my kids. One night I had a VIVID dream. I went to bed. I was 22. I woke up and I was 30! Same bed, same house, same man, same life, and it SCARED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME! That day I really woke up and I planned my escape. It took me 45 days to make enough money to leave without alarming him of my planned secret escape. He was extremely crazy, and was already afraid I would leave him. One time he jumped on the car when I was backing out of the driveway, and since I didn't stop, he punched the windshield, and smashed it so bad I couldn't see out of it. It could have scared my face! Witnessing my life through that dream if I stayed with him was a living nightmare, and the push I needed from God to realize my true destiny. I had all these kids, they had no one besides me, and it was so hard to make that decision on my own. But I had to choose ME! I had no idea of what else was out there for me, but I was rushing to it because I knew what I was doing was NOT the life God intended for me. Leaving my husband was the beginning of me being set free. I am so grateful that God showed me something that would make me move. Everything works together for the greater good. I am who I am. I own what I've been through and I love me. No matter where you find yourself today or where you've been. All things work for the good. Don't look for the world to give you love when all the love you'll ever need is right inside of you. #HowRebelRobbWasBorn It takes a lot of uumph to be a black woman! I just think about everything I experience, my fellow sisters experiences, and the common thread linking it all is that unspoken uumph! That #BlackGirlMagic.
Why are Black Women so magical? I know God made it that way for sure, but what are some of the ingredients that create the unique masterpiece called the black woman? I know what I'm made of, and it is myriad of ingredients; Resilience. I've been raped, married to a drug addict, physically abused, shot, used, stolen from, lied on, lied to, disrespected, cheated on, and left for dead. Still. IM A QUEEN. UNAPOLOGETIC Confidence. I had the nerve leave California and go to the NAVY to be someone. I had no idea where that would lead but I was ready! I had the nerve to dance naked in front of men so I could provide for my family after getting out of the NAVY, and after seeing my husband, my marriage, and my life for what it really was. No worries. I'm STILL blessed. Determination. With no rope in sight or any examples, I STILL created the life I wanted. Fearlessness. Black women possess a "This ain't what you want" type of fearlessness. In that fearlessness, others can take refuge and feel secure. (Like our children). Not only do they feel secure, but they learn it themselves and become a beacon in the family. It is a God given strength, knowing God himself is the only thing to fear. My mother had a reputation for not playing the RADIO when it came to her children. The school, even grown neighborhood men would think twice about messing with Denise's children. That clearly was passed down by nature and nurture because even after facing death I still have no fear. Love. Every black woman's heart's desire is to love and be loved equally. She wants to be a wife, mother, friend, and community member. She longs to be part of a healthy ecosystem. Her actions are governed by these underlying tones to her character making her so graceful and beautiful. Love is life, and having to be resilient, confident, determined, and fearless just to get to hearts desires is pretty magical. The combination of the ingredients, the severity of the circumstances, the DNA passed down, and the mighty smile of God created #BlackGirlMagic #HowRebelRobbWasBorn |
Latisha Robb
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