As I think back on my life and look with hindsight, I see clearly when there were some major moments that God was showing me that I needed to grow.
I was in an abusive marriage, raising kids that were not even my stepchildren, (I had my ex-husband's nephew, and his daughter's older sister from their mother), in addition to my husband's 3 girls.
At 22 years old, I was raising six kids, four of school age, and two under five. At the time, I was knee deep in dancing, my husband was knee deep in 'extra curricular' activities while I was at work, and I was the only one holding down our 8 person household.
A typical day started at 6:30 am. I got up and made sure breakfast was made. Got the kids dressed and fed and off to school. The babies woke up afterwards and they got their breakfast etc. If there was laundry or cleaning that needed to be done, I did that during the school hours. Around three in the afternoon, they were back from school, and it was time to help with homework.
Around 5pm dinner would be cooking and by 6:30 I was on my way to the strip club. I worked until 2am, didn't get home until 3am or 3:30am only to find my husband at home partying with his broke friends spending my money that I left home which I was trying to save. I was back up at 6:30am to do it again.
Here is the moment that saved my life and my kids. One night I had a VIVID dream. I went to bed. I was 22. I woke up and I was 30! Same bed, same house, same man, same life, and it SCARED THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF ME! That day I really woke up and I planned my escape. It took me 45 days to make enough money to leave without alarming him of my planned secret escape. He was extremely crazy, and was already afraid I would leave him.
One time he jumped on the car when I was backing out of the driveway, and since I didn't stop, he punched the windshield, and smashed it so bad I couldn't see out of it. It could have scared my face! Witnessing my life through that dream if I stayed with him was a living nightmare, and the push I needed from God to realize my true destiny. I had all these kids, they had no one besides me, and it was so hard to make that decision on my own.
But I had to choose ME! I had no idea of what else was out there for me, but I was rushing to it because I knew what I was doing was NOT the life God intended for me. Leaving my husband was the beginning of me being set free. I am so grateful that God showed me something that would make me move. Everything works together for the greater good. I am who I am. I own what I've been through and I love me.
No matter where you find yourself today or where you've been. All things work for the good. Don't look for the world to give you love when all the love you'll ever need is right inside of you.
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