When I think back on the many trials and tribulations I endured, I realize that I developed a coping mechanism, or a way to not give any validity to a pity party for any of the things that were happening to me. I affectionately describe that as "feathers on my back" so the things roll right off.
I'm human! Today I have this hard exterior, which is armour to protect the sensitive little girl that's inside me.
You see, I was THEE MOST SENSITIVE GIRL in the WORLD! I still am, it's just packaged differently. I would cry if someone I loved looked at me wrong, talked about my shirt, or was mean to me. The pain I felt was unbearable, yet I was ridiculed because "that was nothing to cry about". Nicknamed "crybaby," Feathers started growing. I remember my mom bragging that she just has to look or yell at me to cry, she didn't have to whoop me. Even though she did!
Fast forward to getting in a relationship where my husband was an abuser and a womanizer. How do you still live, raise kids, and fight your husband, annnd have a pity party? Or dance in a strip club supporting the entire family because your husband won't work? Or while a dancer, have a run in with FBI, Secret Service, and DEA, all within a year? Or what about being shot, and stood over, with the gunman intending to kill you?
Surely the happy life didn't find me, I created it. The life of struggle and despair found me. I learned how to reject it and make choices toward the life I wanted to live. I chose God. I chose life. I chose happiness. I chose freedom. I chose me. I'm still choosing me and happiness which is why who you see today doesn't resemble the woman I used to be. I've been through so much in THIS LIFE, it feels like I have lived several lives this lifetime. I am sure God has everything to do with my strength and tenacity. The woman you see today has been transformed. By life and choices. #HowRebelRobbWasBorn
People always ask me, "Why are you so tough?" Well, I am the third child. The first girl. Basically the third boy.
My second older brother, James, was the one who I credit for making me physically tough. My brothers treated me like a little brother. My brother James would make me fight his friend's little brothers, betting that his little sister would win. His friends were actually dumb enough to take the challenges, and I won!
For as long as I can remember, I have been fighting. Specifically boys, for my entire adolescent years, some girls in my teenage years, but still mostly boys, a few women in my adult life and my husband. Sometimes I wouldn't want to fight and all my brother had to do was say he would beat me up, and that was enough to make me fight. I was scared of my brother! All of this was before age 10. I fought almost daily from age 4 to 10. That's a lot of stress for a child. My mother knew nothing. Smh. That training made me a bully's bully. It's why I'm such an Activist today.
As I got older, I was the type to never start anything, but I would finish it!! Finite! Done! I protected my friends and anyone who was being picked on. It was my pleasure to handle a bully. I was notorious for going to people's houses. Thank God nothing ever happened to me. 💯 🙏Looking back, that training was crucial and intricate knowledge #RebelRobbneeded!
There were so many people that I would eventually meet that would need me to be a 'fighter" for them, their rights, their very lives. And I had to, there was simply no other choice. Through it all, life has taught me only the strong survives. Guess what, you're STRONG too.
With as many memes, meme makers and #Reposts of positive messages, quotes, ways of life, and general ways to find happiness, you would think people are truly getting it. But the sad truth is there are so many hurt and victimized souls, not knowing how to properly process or deal with the incidents or events throughout their lives that created the hurt. They want to hide certain things they've experienced so they're not judged by people. They keep up this facade of I'm invincible.
I'm here to tell you that it is not healthy. I learned to stop giving myself pity parties when things started off crazy in my adult life. Right at age 18, I was raped. He was a 'friend' of mine and yes, weed and alcohol involved but it doesn't make it OK nor make me responsible for the sexual violence that happened.
Adding insult to injury, I didn't get no support from my "boyfriend " at the time who didn't believe me. That's not the only thing. I left home right after high school graduation thinking I was in love so to top it off, I was also living in a crack house and selling crack to survive in college. Coming from a 'poor mentality' my parents biggest cares were fighting over child support rather than supporting me in my educational goals. I had no grants, it was too late to sign up for the dorms and just being on an academic scholarship didn't provide enough extra funds. I cared about being in college. My parents didn't push me. I did.
I'm not a victim. I am a survivor. I did not cower in survival situations, I made a way. Instead of crying, I grew. I learned what to do and what not to do. As far out as the choices were, they were presented and I chose those lessons. I am as strong and resilient as I am today because of each and every one of those incidents or events in my life. I took control of life. I didn't let it control me. I could have been a statistic easy, a few times over actually ... Nahhh... Not a chance. You see, the way my God is set up!! I love who I am. 😇 😆💕👑💖 #Blessed #Trappin#College #Rape #HowRebelRobbWasBorn💯#MYTRUTH