If you have read my book, TURN ON THE LIGHTS, you should know that I had my share of Daddy issues.
Now as a mother, my own daughters have their own issues as well, which has prompted this blog topic.
My ex husband was never there, especially for my 14 year old daughter who doesn't remember living with him.
The older girls have had their bonding times with him, as they are about 7,6 and 3 years older than her.
She recently started High School and is also working on an emotional song that was written out of her pain from not having her father. In no capacity.
For the past couple of weeks, I noticed a change in her attitude. Very quiet, short responses to questions, and a look of distance and anger or resentment in her eyes. Like if you're talking, you are irritating her.
As a mother, I was not going to let the change go unnoticed or not confront it, so on our ride home Thursday, I asked her what's the deal? I've noticed a change in your behavior, and it seems that you are not grateful for what is being done for you. (She is driven to Fulton County from Cobb to attend a Charter Magnet School for Math and Science that I have to pay for)
When we got home, she asked to talk to me.
She said that she IS grateful for what I am doing for her. She knows I do not have to drive her or pay for school, she could have went to the local high school, caught the bus, and it would have required nothing extra from me. She said she appreciates me for everything I do. She went on to explain that she is stressed out from school, it is A LOT more work than Middle School, and she's not resting properly. She also mentioned that working with her vocal coach on her song, her father has been on her mind a lot lately.
Before now, I've heard her say that my dad is my sperm donor and he's a liar. She's said that she doesn't care about him because he doesn't care about her.
THERE IS THE PROBLEM:
The words of the song are very emotional and are not reflective of a "I don't care" attitude. In fact, the first time I heard the words, I cried. She is hurting inside and is trying to deal with her feelings.
I realized that High School, and the vocal coaching on the song started at the same time. She wrote the song a couple of months ago, but just now started gearing up for the studio.
I told her that this is very healthy. You are dealing with your feelings about your dad in a proper way, not lashing out, but making art out of your pain. Something beautiful. I also told her that I want her to do this now, here at home with me, because these feelings must be dealt with and will be dealt with, one way or another. She has no males in her life except my dad.
My brothers aren't uncles to her, only by blood. So when she gets out in the world and wonder why she can't trust a man, why she won't think they'll care about her, and think they're all liars, she may or may not relate it to her dad.
I had a meltdown when I was 25 and called my dad and step-dad and broke all the way down about how their actions effected me. By that time, my relationship with my husband, who was 10 years older than me, was over.
I don't want that for my daughter. I want her to have healthy relationships with the males, and break the cycle. I have not had great relationships with men, and I believe that is contributed in part by the relationships I had with the men who were supposed to love me and show me how I was supposed to be treated. (dad and step-dad)
Daddy love is so important! A girl who has her dad has a hero. Every girl needs to feel protected not only by her mother, but her father as well. Especially her father, because there is a physical strength that a man has that a woman will never possess. He also is her first example of how a man should treat her. Without this experience, she starts off with a callus that is disguised as strength. Filling that void. "I don't need a dad", turns to "I don't need a man."
The absence of a father makes the mother have to be a lot more than what she is meant to be. Mommy and Daddy.
I pray she is able to really deal with these feelings healthily and forgive him in time.
I am a pro active mother. We're going to address this now, with or without him. She is talented, smart, beautiful, affectionate, loving, and nurturing. Beautiful qualities that need to blossom. If I can help it, he will not effect her adult life as he has in her childhood.
Stay tuned for the song to be out. It is a HIT because it is REAL! You heard it first here at LatishaRobb.com
To learn more, make sure you read my book, TURN ON THE LIGHTS.
Kamari and Waka Flocka. Teen Ambassador for Anti- Bullying campaign with SEA and BSM. 2012